Creyziness

Since the start of this pandemic our company has been providing us bus services to help us with the transportation safety issue.  The bus usually arrives 5:05am at the stop. But last Monday I left house at 4:59am, I was rushing and catching my breath as I chased a trike. The trike ride to the stop usually takes 5-8 minutes. I was praying but worry is taking over. Upon nearing the stop, I saw a bus that looks like our service passed by already, it was far by the time I reached the stop. Disappointment came over me. I jump out the trike, gave my fare and started walking. From haste, my movement turned slow. At this early hour I felt tired already. I was about to book a Grab car, but there is something in me that makes me want to wait more. And yes, it's too early so there's no harm done if I'll stay up until 5:15am. I know this may sound silly but this is one of those times wherein circumstances are hitting me with senses and reality but instead I'm choosing s

A week ago I was craving for an Indian Mango, I was so desperate to have one that I'm willing to risk my health to go outside to satisfy my craving. But hindrances came pouring to the point that I realized it wasn't worth the effort of risking myself and everyone in my cousin's household. It is just a want. Then moving forward today, that Indian Mango cravings is not in my mind anymore, I was actually immersing myself in Dr. Charles Stanley's preaching at our Granny's Roof deck, when suddenly my Aunt came by and asked me if I want an Indian Mango, and of course I said yes. Then it hit me, God provides but not in our terms but in accordance to His will. Oftentimes I cry for the wrong stuff because I have the wrong mindset: I want this, and I want it now - is my kind of thing, not logical and all feelings and that is where everything and rain of tears (I'm a crybaby) goes down the drain. I overthink a lot which leads to questioning my worth and my face, body and a